The rain was coming down heavy and while I dusted off the reverbial effects of last night’s conversation from a former friend, I kicked through the odor of ordinary that surrounded me. I peered into the depths of a brand new paradigm shift and my heart tossed around music notes that reverberated in a magnitude beyond what I could understand or wrap my mind around. The thoughts came with an ebb and flow and the stoic faces bombarded me. And then it happened, a smile shining brightly from within as I pictured my face in the mirror. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs outside in the pouring down rain in hopes to be heard! How can I break out of the monotony of the dullness of this rat race? I knew I didn’t belong. I wanted to go up to every single person and say wake from your slumber, what are we doing? Don’t you know there’s more than this? Desperately, I was seeking that door that led to dreams coming true and the unexplainable wherein is the “Anything is Possible”. I was sure to find it if I didn’t give up!
Surely, through all the rumblings of chatter there must be an internal silence. I could hear a voice in the crowd wanting to be heard but without a microphone at hand and almost without any hesitancy searching desperately for a loud speaker to cause a rippling thunder effect. Invisible to the world but soon just as a star shines through the darkness of night, ready and beaming with brilliance. Once a girl with too many questions with her hand raised high and now a dancing fool made to break all the rules. Inside my favorite mansion was a small room with colorful walls and a painter’s pallet. There was a long skinny red carpet that ran to the attic with gold-trimmed sheer curtains around the windows giving a slight shade to the light gazing through.
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
The Cold Shoulder & Mr. Idiom
Has there been an event or time in your life that you wished you could forget? I’m sure there’s at least one or two that come to mind without putting much effort into recalling them. Maybe a school incident, a family crisis or a quarrel, and maybe the loss of a close friend. Have you ever tried so hard to find yourself within but somehow as far away as possible from the nonsense that your past experience make-up offered? I got a picture of that image that has been monopolized over the years of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other speaking sweet nothings in the ear. When we think of opposites sometimes we see hot, cold, true-false, and we often get a smile or just a cold shoulder from well, could be anybody. Memorable maybe, important maybe not. Visualization and imagery can be so expounded upon, like when I say, you’re running through and open field, it’s sunny and hot, and you see purple flowers in the distance. But what If I said, I’m searching for buried treasure and I am holding the map and I can see the x-marks the spot. Can you see the difference or should I say have you found the key that unlocks the treasure chest?
If you’ve encountered hidden treasure before you may want to stop reading but if you have not, keep going. Now remember the red and blue shoulder, I mean the hot and cold shoulder? Don’t you love those imageries and everything started with a thought. Go figure. I love irony sometimes but sometimes it gets me good. Can you remember your last “cold shoulder” experience? The last time you were deliberately ignored or maybe it was you ignoring that voice that said something you are desperately trying to forget, that person that made a comment. How about a voice that says, “You’re a genius!” How would you respond to that one? Would you agree or would you forcefully plow it to the ground because of how you’ve been taught? Like, “Be humble, don’t think to highly of yourself now.” Thanks to good old Mr. Shoulder. Really? What if I told you that as nice as playing, “I know nothing” sounds, the truth be told, there’s a genius in us all, like it or not. Remember our friend and beloved enemy, true-false? Which one do you like best and which one tends to hurt you most? “The truth hurts!” Is that true, I beg to differ. I must say as soon as I changed the ways I looked at life and things, my life changed and for the better. Nuances arise now and then but I more often than not see things as they really are at least in my world that is. It’s bittersweet and yes the truth can hurt just as much as a lie I suppose. But is it true that what you don’t know can’t hurt you? Not sure yet, ask me later. Hahaha…very funny Mister.
Truthfully, at times, I prefer the cold shoulder especially when I’m intentionally blocking out someone or something that I’m not interested in letting into my circle. You know those annoying friends…like my friend Mr. Idiom the rule breaker. Oh, let me count the ways or maybe I’ll throw up in your face. Romeo give me a break, get real, I’ve had enough and by the way, my name is not Juliet. Don’t get me wrong I like Shakespeare and all but seriously? Let’s just break all the grammatical rules now that we can and don’t forget my friend Mr. Idiom. He loves to break the rules but quite the artist or should I say very creatively inclined.
I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t you hate it when people say that? I mean it doesn’t even make sense. I’m here to help you forget that, you know that! Never mind. This time in the open field, add a nice breeze and stop and smell the flowers, aren’t they lovely? Now isn’t that better…let’s be real shall we? I love a great escape but “no pain, no gain.” I think. Let’s go with it. Frankly, I’ve had enough pain for many lifetimes and now it’s time for gain. Thankfully, I still have a sense of humor. Ignore all you want but don’t forget your dream. What’s your dream? Do me a favor, get out a piece of paper and write it out in big letters, My dream is…and don’t forget to include your name.
If you’ve encountered hidden treasure before you may want to stop reading but if you have not, keep going. Now remember the red and blue shoulder, I mean the hot and cold shoulder? Don’t you love those imageries and everything started with a thought. Go figure. I love irony sometimes but sometimes it gets me good. Can you remember your last “cold shoulder” experience? The last time you were deliberately ignored or maybe it was you ignoring that voice that said something you are desperately trying to forget, that person that made a comment. How about a voice that says, “You’re a genius!” How would you respond to that one? Would you agree or would you forcefully plow it to the ground because of how you’ve been taught? Like, “Be humble, don’t think to highly of yourself now.” Thanks to good old Mr. Shoulder. Really? What if I told you that as nice as playing, “I know nothing” sounds, the truth be told, there’s a genius in us all, like it or not. Remember our friend and beloved enemy, true-false? Which one do you like best and which one tends to hurt you most? “The truth hurts!” Is that true, I beg to differ. I must say as soon as I changed the ways I looked at life and things, my life changed and for the better. Nuances arise now and then but I more often than not see things as they really are at least in my world that is. It’s bittersweet and yes the truth can hurt just as much as a lie I suppose. But is it true that what you don’t know can’t hurt you? Not sure yet, ask me later. Hahaha…very funny Mister.
Truthfully, at times, I prefer the cold shoulder especially when I’m intentionally blocking out someone or something that I’m not interested in letting into my circle. You know those annoying friends…like my friend Mr. Idiom the rule breaker. Oh, let me count the ways or maybe I’ll throw up in your face. Romeo give me a break, get real, I’ve had enough and by the way, my name is not Juliet. Don’t get me wrong I like Shakespeare and all but seriously? Let’s just break all the grammatical rules now that we can and don’t forget my friend Mr. Idiom. He loves to break the rules but quite the artist or should I say very creatively inclined.
I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t you hate it when people say that? I mean it doesn’t even make sense. I’m here to help you forget that, you know that! Never mind. This time in the open field, add a nice breeze and stop and smell the flowers, aren’t they lovely? Now isn’t that better…let’s be real shall we? I love a great escape but “no pain, no gain.” I think. Let’s go with it. Frankly, I’ve had enough pain for many lifetimes and now it’s time for gain. Thankfully, I still have a sense of humor. Ignore all you want but don’t forget your dream. What’s your dream? Do me a favor, get out a piece of paper and write it out in big letters, My dream is…and don’t forget to include your name.
The Experiment
What if every moment you were being watched, observed, and monitored even when alone? Would you care and would you change the way you lived your life? If everything I had experienced and done was recorded in a book, how would my life look? Every choice, every idea expressed and every decision made reflecting my heart response to any and every circumstance. So many unexplainable occurrences…I’ve been studying motivation and those speakers who have published books on the topic. You know those sweet books that promise a secret key or a lost treasure. The book you just have to buy because you know it will enrich your life. “Think and Grow Rich” By: Napolean Hill I recently purchased online.
It’s amazing how our lives are discovered each day and how we stumble upon things. During this time of studying on the subject of motivation, positive intention, and the Law of Attraction, the universe somehow knew and provided me with a long list of books for sale almost free—priced at the neighborhood library. Of course, “Think and Grow Rich” was found almost immediately after I had purchased it. Coincidence, I don’t believe so. And so I thought about this more and this belief about what you think about most, you draw into your life experience. Don’t ask me why, but I believe with all my heart this to be true. What if what we believed about ourselves and what we focused on really does come true? I decided to test this out more by keeping track like an experiment.
If I was determined to be a multi-millionaire and not willing to settle for the lesser things in life, I was extremely curious how my life would lead to this very successful rich fulfilling existence. Thought of wasting my life working a job I didn’t want to do or just wasting my time in general doing something meaningless scared the living hell out of me and drove me to find true success. Yes, I am thankful for the little things like food, a place to live, jobs, and the basic necessities of life but I had to have more and I knew there was more to this existence. I know what it’s like to have nothing, to have no one and no help and still have to find a way to survive and make it. This was another driving force behind me and why I sought out a rich life, one that could provide a way to accomplishing the dreams in my heart. That thing or things that made me flourish and happy.
This wasn’t just about proving those wrong who said I couldn’t make it or those who didn’t believe in me, this was about proving it to myself and providing a better future for my kids. How do you experience so many unexplainable things, gain so much and then try your hardest to forget most of it? Every little and big thing led up to this moment and time measured by what, a 24 hour day, a 7 day week, or a 365 day year? What is time…a man-made expression of something that cannot truly be explained, even if we count the seconds it takes for the lights to go out and come back on again, can we really interpret it and this very second already in the past.
About eight months ago, I had found myself in a situation that I had previously written about in my journal a year beforehand. What if I could prove this philosophy was much more than hear say? I wrote myself a ten million dollar check on August 25th of this year and I keep it in my wallet and look at it regularly. It’s now October as I write this and if I had a time machine that could peer into the future, I wonder what I would find. Today we live in a hyper-inflated informational age supplying so much at our fingertips. My room stacked high with books but I was completely driven to finishing my own. Tired of reading about everyone else’s successes but all the while thankful that I’ve had so much available to me—helping me grow along my own journey.
It’s amazing how our lives are discovered each day and how we stumble upon things. During this time of studying on the subject of motivation, positive intention, and the Law of Attraction, the universe somehow knew and provided me with a long list of books for sale almost free—priced at the neighborhood library. Of course, “Think and Grow Rich” was found almost immediately after I had purchased it. Coincidence, I don’t believe so. And so I thought about this more and this belief about what you think about most, you draw into your life experience. Don’t ask me why, but I believe with all my heart this to be true. What if what we believed about ourselves and what we focused on really does come true? I decided to test this out more by keeping track like an experiment.
If I was determined to be a multi-millionaire and not willing to settle for the lesser things in life, I was extremely curious how my life would lead to this very successful rich fulfilling existence. Thought of wasting my life working a job I didn’t want to do or just wasting my time in general doing something meaningless scared the living hell out of me and drove me to find true success. Yes, I am thankful for the little things like food, a place to live, jobs, and the basic necessities of life but I had to have more and I knew there was more to this existence. I know what it’s like to have nothing, to have no one and no help and still have to find a way to survive and make it. This was another driving force behind me and why I sought out a rich life, one that could provide a way to accomplishing the dreams in my heart. That thing or things that made me flourish and happy.
This wasn’t just about proving those wrong who said I couldn’t make it or those who didn’t believe in me, this was about proving it to myself and providing a better future for my kids. How do you experience so many unexplainable things, gain so much and then try your hardest to forget most of it? Every little and big thing led up to this moment and time measured by what, a 24 hour day, a 7 day week, or a 365 day year? What is time…a man-made expression of something that cannot truly be explained, even if we count the seconds it takes for the lights to go out and come back on again, can we really interpret it and this very second already in the past.
About eight months ago, I had found myself in a situation that I had previously written about in my journal a year beforehand. What if I could prove this philosophy was much more than hear say? I wrote myself a ten million dollar check on August 25th of this year and I keep it in my wallet and look at it regularly. It’s now October as I write this and if I had a time machine that could peer into the future, I wonder what I would find. Today we live in a hyper-inflated informational age supplying so much at our fingertips. My room stacked high with books but I was completely driven to finishing my own. Tired of reading about everyone else’s successes but all the while thankful that I’ve had so much available to me—helping me grow along my own journey.
"That's Peanuts!"
The day my mother handed me a bag of nuts and why I should’ve never assumed what it was she was trying to tell me. It fascinates me and used to scare the living hell out of me how a perspective from one person to another can be as different as night and day when it comes down to anything especially something as small as peanuts. When you spend a lot of time pondering the universes vastness you can get a whole lot out of a nut. Can you imagine how complicated life would be if every food built up consequences in your life like the principle of cause and effect? The food nightmare began with a nut yeah probably me. How does a person go from, l would eat peanuts for the rest of my life to get my family back, to peanuts aren’t that great? A paradigm shift in the mind and a huge misunderstanding—a nightmare that lasted for nearly 5 months of my life. Free at last, free at last, this wasn’t, “I have a dream.” It’s mind boggling how many perspectives I had on food in error and now I’m free and healthier.
For years I gave my uncle peanuts as a gift because my mother said he liked them. This same uncle who never had kids, who speaks fluent German, who escaped the military, and knows quite a bit more than he’ll ever admit. We learn so much from our parents and sometimes we follow and other times we have to lead. I was thinking…are nuts really a good source of protein or are they full in saturated fats? Remember that saying, “It’s the thought that counts?” That statement is more true now in my life than ever. The thoughts we have can make us or break us, imprison us or free us, starve us or feed us and definitely plant seeds in our mind that will produce what we sow. Like the law of gravity it doesn’t care, it just is. If you wake up and say it’s going to be a wonderful day, you’ve already decided what kind of day you’re going to have and the opposite is true as well. This is where the power of intention can form your life taking you from struggle to success, broke to rich, and the pursuit of happiness into a fixed reality.
Many times I’ve heard other people refer to poverty to peanuts. Like “that’s peanuts” or “chump change” meaning very little money. These sayings go way back and started with an idea, a thought, and thoughts are things. Every good idea starts with a thought and the power is endless. What we give out comes back and why I like to share and also why I’m going to be very successful in this life time. And so will you if you take these principles and apply them to your day-to-day living. If my mother knew I was going to misunderstand her that day she handed me a bag of nuts, maybe she would have thought to give me something else. But I don’t blame her, I learned a valuable lesson—be a leader not a follower and don’t always assume, clarify. Actions do speak louder than words and why I was just trying to get some direction or guidance but I’ve unfortunately had to learn everything the hard way up until recent.
I stared at my half-eaten jar of peanuts and I got this crazy idea. What if each one of those peanuts was worth a thousand dollars? Then, I thought, what if each one represented a new idea? Even crazier, what if every time I ate a peanut, I got a new idea? The Power of belief. Are peanuts not a food from the earth created by a powerful creator? A natural food. Natural Law so fascinates my mind in all its wonders. Yes, that jar of nuts probably produced in a factory but what if I am telling my subconscious that every time I eat a peanut, I am obtaining a new idea from the earth and the matter of the universe? So I know you’re wondering…what happened when I ate one peanut. It was good but I wanted more so I ate a handful. I realized that if those peanuts were each worth a thousand dollars, I wouldn’t have eaten them, I would have saved them. Is there really a difference between a jar of peanuts and thousands of dollars? I don’t eat money, I thought. But we do every day. We buy food and them we eat it. I’m always thinking of ways to turn a quarter or a dollar into a hundred or more. I accomplish it with my book business, buying and selling. But I often think “that’s peanuts!” I’m still dealing in peanuts “small money”. I longed to do more on a larger scale. I was saving money but to reach my goal of ten million dollars, I had to get creative. How could I turn those peanuts into money? This is how I think every day. So as I eat up those good ideas, I fill my jars with chump change—saving more money. Great idea!!! How much money could I get out of one jar of peanuts? I wondered. But this was still too small, I was starting small but I had to think bigger.
This big idea was going to create more money with less consumption and less saturated fat. I knew that I needed more assets and not liabilities. Assets pay you money and liabilities cost you money. You know that saying, “time is money,” I’m not sure how true it is because you can replace money but never get the time you use back again. So I discovered that time is much more valuable than money. And, I also knew why I was saving ten thousand dollars in a short amount of time. Why? Because I wanted more time to focus on the things I enjoy doing with my time. Ironic isn’t it? Because I don’t currently have a vehicle, I occasionally pay a taxi and also do a lot of walking. Currently, I work in two different cities so the other night I decided to stay the night in a coffee shop so I could save the money on a taxi and get some work done. In my mind, instead of paying a driver, I will pay myself—like a job and spend my time writing. Well, I may have saved the money but I was so physically exhausted the next day. It wasn’t worth it. Sleep is valuable to your health and well-being and is also worth paying for. My health was more valuable than a small paycheck to myself. But this whole idea of paying myself—I knew I was on the right track. Investing in myself, looking for assets and opportunities. Check out my other blog here: https://howtobeamillionaire76.blogspot.com/
For years I gave my uncle peanuts as a gift because my mother said he liked them. This same uncle who never had kids, who speaks fluent German, who escaped the military, and knows quite a bit more than he’ll ever admit. We learn so much from our parents and sometimes we follow and other times we have to lead. I was thinking…are nuts really a good source of protein or are they full in saturated fats? Remember that saying, “It’s the thought that counts?” That statement is more true now in my life than ever. The thoughts we have can make us or break us, imprison us or free us, starve us or feed us and definitely plant seeds in our mind that will produce what we sow. Like the law of gravity it doesn’t care, it just is. If you wake up and say it’s going to be a wonderful day, you’ve already decided what kind of day you’re going to have and the opposite is true as well. This is where the power of intention can form your life taking you from struggle to success, broke to rich, and the pursuit of happiness into a fixed reality.
Many times I’ve heard other people refer to poverty to peanuts. Like “that’s peanuts” or “chump change” meaning very little money. These sayings go way back and started with an idea, a thought, and thoughts are things. Every good idea starts with a thought and the power is endless. What we give out comes back and why I like to share and also why I’m going to be very successful in this life time. And so will you if you take these principles and apply them to your day-to-day living. If my mother knew I was going to misunderstand her that day she handed me a bag of nuts, maybe she would have thought to give me something else. But I don’t blame her, I learned a valuable lesson—be a leader not a follower and don’t always assume, clarify. Actions do speak louder than words and why I was just trying to get some direction or guidance but I’ve unfortunately had to learn everything the hard way up until recent.
I stared at my half-eaten jar of peanuts and I got this crazy idea. What if each one of those peanuts was worth a thousand dollars? Then, I thought, what if each one represented a new idea? Even crazier, what if every time I ate a peanut, I got a new idea? The Power of belief. Are peanuts not a food from the earth created by a powerful creator? A natural food. Natural Law so fascinates my mind in all its wonders. Yes, that jar of nuts probably produced in a factory but what if I am telling my subconscious that every time I eat a peanut, I am obtaining a new idea from the earth and the matter of the universe? So I know you’re wondering…what happened when I ate one peanut. It was good but I wanted more so I ate a handful. I realized that if those peanuts were each worth a thousand dollars, I wouldn’t have eaten them, I would have saved them. Is there really a difference between a jar of peanuts and thousands of dollars? I don’t eat money, I thought. But we do every day. We buy food and them we eat it. I’m always thinking of ways to turn a quarter or a dollar into a hundred or more. I accomplish it with my book business, buying and selling. But I often think “that’s peanuts!” I’m still dealing in peanuts “small money”. I longed to do more on a larger scale. I was saving money but to reach my goal of ten million dollars, I had to get creative. How could I turn those peanuts into money? This is how I think every day. So as I eat up those good ideas, I fill my jars with chump change—saving more money. Great idea!!! How much money could I get out of one jar of peanuts? I wondered. But this was still too small, I was starting small but I had to think bigger.
This big idea was going to create more money with less consumption and less saturated fat. I knew that I needed more assets and not liabilities. Assets pay you money and liabilities cost you money. You know that saying, “time is money,” I’m not sure how true it is because you can replace money but never get the time you use back again. So I discovered that time is much more valuable than money. And, I also knew why I was saving ten thousand dollars in a short amount of time. Why? Because I wanted more time to focus on the things I enjoy doing with my time. Ironic isn’t it? Because I don’t currently have a vehicle, I occasionally pay a taxi and also do a lot of walking. Currently, I work in two different cities so the other night I decided to stay the night in a coffee shop so I could save the money on a taxi and get some work done. In my mind, instead of paying a driver, I will pay myself—like a job and spend my time writing. Well, I may have saved the money but I was so physically exhausted the next day. It wasn’t worth it. Sleep is valuable to your health and well-being and is also worth paying for. My health was more valuable than a small paycheck to myself. But this whole idea of paying myself—I knew I was on the right track. Investing in myself, looking for assets and opportunities. Check out my other blog here: https://howtobeamillionaire76.blogspot.com/
The Food Perspective
Someone you know is probably standing in line at the grocery store right now as we speak. That image you grab of the magazine shelf, the gum selection, and the cheesy grin on the checkers face all come quickly. Is it the power of thought or repetition? Research suggests that it only takes 21 days to form a habit like drinking a glass of water after breakfast. Anything harder is likely to take longer but there is hope and much more than hope when it comes to obtaining your goals concerning food when using the power of thought and intention.
My food journey or should I say nightmare all started with a bag of peanuts. Who knew something so small could change my life forever. I’ll never look at food quite the same way again. I still try to forget that it wasn’t a dream. I’ll pretend it was. This book covers food from the perspective of prison to freedom in the mind and all the ways I viewed food, suggestions, why people eat what they eat, and why if you really knew, you wouldn’t eat it no matter how hungry you were. Why what you believe about food can make all the difference in whether you live or die. I have collected this information from my own experience and have incorporated Natural Law, The Power of Intention, and Philosophy. I will take you on an enthralling journey where you will experience mind-blowing adventure and if you are open will gain knowledge and understanding in each chapter where I leave hidden but discoverable gold and riches for you.
The Food Perspective will grip you, shake you to your core so fasten your seatbelts and be for warned this is not for the faint of heart. This is for you if you have food goals, life goals, money goals, and you have a hunger and thirst to be wealthy in your mind and in your life. You’ll want to share it with everyone you know and read it over and over again looking for buried treasure on each page. With an open-mind you won’t have to dig too far—happy hunting.
My food journey or should I say nightmare all started with a bag of peanuts. Who knew something so small could change my life forever. I’ll never look at food quite the same way again. I still try to forget that it wasn’t a dream. I’ll pretend it was. This book covers food from the perspective of prison to freedom in the mind and all the ways I viewed food, suggestions, why people eat what they eat, and why if you really knew, you wouldn’t eat it no matter how hungry you were. Why what you believe about food can make all the difference in whether you live or die. I have collected this information from my own experience and have incorporated Natural Law, The Power of Intention, and Philosophy. I will take you on an enthralling journey where you will experience mind-blowing adventure and if you are open will gain knowledge and understanding in each chapter where I leave hidden but discoverable gold and riches for you.
The Food Perspective will grip you, shake you to your core so fasten your seatbelts and be for warned this is not for the faint of heart. This is for you if you have food goals, life goals, money goals, and you have a hunger and thirst to be wealthy in your mind and in your life. You’ll want to share it with everyone you know and read it over and over again looking for buried treasure on each page. With an open-mind you won’t have to dig too far—happy hunting.
Monday, September 25, 2017
The Strangest Thing
It was the strangest thing as I listened to an owl outside my window, I read the two questions on the whiteboard on my desk. Would you do that job for free and are you doing what you love? I knew every moment spent at a clock-in and out job that was well below what I'm capable of was a waste of my precious life and breath. Just picturing it made me half-nuts knowing that my destiny was so much more but how was I to get there? I had already written down all my goals in detail, plastered my walls with them. I even wrote myself a ten million dollar check and put it in my wallet to cash someday. I look at it every day and ponder it. Would I be getting a genius idea like a light bulb as Thomas Edison came to mind or would the rich mentors I absorbed my ears in day in and day out wake me to this rich life? There was a definite vision in my mind and a yearning in my soul to be very successful in this life. I couldn't even imagine the alternative. No matter how much I had already experienced it just wasn't enough. I had to live life to the fullest. I knew what it was like to have nothing but to be extremely wealthy and doing what I love was my greatest aspiration because in the end that is what would make me happy. Isn't that what we strive or long for, happiness. Isn't that what we work hard for or search for? Does it happen that so many go on their search and end up unhappy because they got stuck doing something that bores them when we were made for so much more. We were made to thrive and live a rich fulfilled life.
It was strange, I wanted it so bad, I could taste it. It felt real as if I already had obtained it but not completely surrounded by it yet. It was who I was not this quiet girl hidden away but a diamond or a pearl waiting to be discovered in the world so big yet so small it seemed. Maybe I could write a couple books real fast and earn a couple million so I could do what I really loved and that was music and acting. This is what I was made for and what gives me happiness aside from seeing my kids happy. My room was stacked with books and yet my own book so long and so many stories I didn't know where I left off. But I did know I was only focusing on my future at present. I didn't dare drag my past into my future not if I wanted real happiness and a success that when I thought about it, it felt normal as if I was made for this whatever this was. The good life I suppose after all I had endured, it was my time for real true success. How many others dread another work day knowing they were made for so much more? Another day, another dollar, but I wanted ten million of them and that was just to start. But what I really wanted was to live my dreams, act out those roles, create and produce those video ideas through music and song.
I didn't know where this writing attempt was going to take me, actually, I knew I could be very successful at it like anything else I focused my mind on doing. I just needed consistency and a steady dedication to it. I had to finish this book fast because I only gave myself two years to make my first ten million dollars and that was while accomplishing my dreams on the side though acting endeavors. I could hear my mothers voice but it wasn't one yet that I could lean into or count on so I encouraged myself with all that I had in me. The pain drove me, the fear of wasting time urged me, the constant burning within my soul to be great I just couldn't shake and I didn't want to. I felt inside I was to do something big. I had always felt that way. But why? It had never left through all the struggle, it was always there. Greatness, this big idea, this great big secret or key to the universe or maybe just to my heart. Where it always was kept. I was just very careful with it these days and yet living with a carefree but very determined attitude. I knew what I wanted and I was going for it. I wouldn't be satisfied until I had that which I was so passionate about and that which made me hunger and thirst for more. You hear people say things like, if I can just reach one person, well forget that, I knew I wanted to reach a vast sea of people. I wasn't here for one person, I knew that well from the beginning.
It was strange, I wanted it so bad, I could taste it. It felt real as if I already had obtained it but not completely surrounded by it yet. It was who I was not this quiet girl hidden away but a diamond or a pearl waiting to be discovered in the world so big yet so small it seemed. Maybe I could write a couple books real fast and earn a couple million so I could do what I really loved and that was music and acting. This is what I was made for and what gives me happiness aside from seeing my kids happy. My room was stacked with books and yet my own book so long and so many stories I didn't know where I left off. But I did know I was only focusing on my future at present. I didn't dare drag my past into my future not if I wanted real happiness and a success that when I thought about it, it felt normal as if I was made for this whatever this was. The good life I suppose after all I had endured, it was my time for real true success. How many others dread another work day knowing they were made for so much more? Another day, another dollar, but I wanted ten million of them and that was just to start. But what I really wanted was to live my dreams, act out those roles, create and produce those video ideas through music and song.
I didn't know where this writing attempt was going to take me, actually, I knew I could be very successful at it like anything else I focused my mind on doing. I just needed consistency and a steady dedication to it. I had to finish this book fast because I only gave myself two years to make my first ten million dollars and that was while accomplishing my dreams on the side though acting endeavors. I could hear my mothers voice but it wasn't one yet that I could lean into or count on so I encouraged myself with all that I had in me. The pain drove me, the fear of wasting time urged me, the constant burning within my soul to be great I just couldn't shake and I didn't want to. I felt inside I was to do something big. I had always felt that way. But why? It had never left through all the struggle, it was always there. Greatness, this big idea, this great big secret or key to the universe or maybe just to my heart. Where it always was kept. I was just very careful with it these days and yet living with a carefree but very determined attitude. I knew what I wanted and I was going for it. I wouldn't be satisfied until I had that which I was so passionate about and that which made me hunger and thirst for more. You hear people say things like, if I can just reach one person, well forget that, I knew I wanted to reach a vast sea of people. I wasn't here for one person, I knew that well from the beginning.
Journey Through My Mind - Strange Thoughts
Wearing Clothes-
How we view ourselves or what we believe about ourselves could be the most important thing about us. Too many times our value or worth is gauged on a clothing label, a style, or some other statement thrown on by the outer appearance. This all starts immediately when the child comes out of the womb, the mother starts dressing their child in pinks, blues, or yellows and maybe some other color that is best suited. But how quickly the child grows out of their clothes. The child then starts school and begins to self-identify, comparing themselves to others and I'm sure the television can also incorporate those thoughts or ideas in a house that allows an open door for it. If you saw a man or woman walking down the street naked, you would probably think they were nuts. At what point does the nakedness of an innocent child become the crazy adult?How about a nude beach? Do we really choose clothes that we identify with and what is that special part of our brain that says, this is cute, that is beautiful or yuck! How could she wear that?!! Does it really matter if I wear the most expensive shoes or a second-hand pair of knockoffs? What if I want to look nice because I know what it's like to have nothing? And, what if I don't really care what anyone thinks. If I'm honest, if we're all honest, most of us probably do care and I think to a certain point we should. But we are not what we wear and if we really understood how much more valuable we were than our clothes, we would all probably be wearing the most expensive gear we could find. Because our value could and should never be reduced to a pair of shoes, it's important that we know that.
As I review my life, I never really got to dress up like the girl. I missed my high school prom and dressing up for someone else's big wedding day doesn't count in my book. And so, I had this idea-get dressed up fancy not for a date or dinner or even a party but for no reason at all. Then I thought, what if I dressed up in a gown and went to work or anywhere else where you normally wouldn't. What would be the response or feedback from others? I'm just curious. If my job said no, why do you think that is? Maybe because it would make the co-workers feel as if they needed to. Maybe I just need to be around my kind or in a conducive environment that allows it. I think there should be a day on the calendar for dress up fancy day. Not like Halloween. If I recorded it and posted it online, I wonder what I would hear. I want to dress up pretty and feel good because I can and not for a special occasion but just to celebrate life and womanhood, and because it's fun. Because I'm a strong woman and one who knows her value. Maybe my subconcious wants to make up for lost time but maybe because I don't really care what anyone else thinks. THis could start a new trend-dress up everyday because you can or want to. Why not? I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best. There will always be people who judge but let's face it why should that stop us? Is this not our one life to live to the fullest? Are we not here to enjoy life and find happiness? I'm not saying that happiness is found in dress up but how you are doing on the inside will most likely reflect onto the outward image. If you are doing well and feel good about yourself, most likely you'll want to dress nice. Self-Image is a huge topic but one not addressed enough I think. We live in a country where there is freedom to be yourself, dress how you want, and be who you are though we always get a little positive and negative feedback from somebody. Whenever you try something new or do something unique there will always be push back. But what do we do with that, we just push through the wall or better yet, open the door and walk right through strutting your stuff but make sure you smile. You never know when that red carpet might show up under your feet. I mean why should I wait for marriage or a party to dress up? I could be waiting a very long time...what if I want to dress fancy every day even when I go grocery shopping or any other day-to-day place we routinely attend. It's pretty routine for mothers to dress up their daughters in pretty dresses. Where do we think that idea came from?
As I review my life, I never really got to dress up like the girl. I missed my high school prom and dressing up for someone else's big wedding day doesn't count in my book. And so, I had this idea-get dressed up fancy not for a date or dinner or even a party but for no reason at all. Then I thought, what if I dressed up in a gown and went to work or anywhere else where you normally wouldn't. What would be the response or feedback from others? I'm just curious. If my job said no, why do you think that is? Maybe because it would make the co-workers feel as if they needed to. Maybe I just need to be around my kind or in a conducive environment that allows it. I think there should be a day on the calendar for dress up fancy day. Not like Halloween. If I recorded it and posted it online, I wonder what I would hear. I want to dress up pretty and feel good because I can and not for a special occasion but just to celebrate life and womanhood, and because it's fun. Because I'm a strong woman and one who knows her value. Maybe my subconcious wants to make up for lost time but maybe because I don't really care what anyone else thinks. THis could start a new trend-dress up everyday because you can or want to. Why not? I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best. There will always be people who judge but let's face it why should that stop us? Is this not our one life to live to the fullest? Are we not here to enjoy life and find happiness? I'm not saying that happiness is found in dress up but how you are doing on the inside will most likely reflect onto the outward image. If you are doing well and feel good about yourself, most likely you'll want to dress nice. Self-Image is a huge topic but one not addressed enough I think. We live in a country where there is freedom to be yourself, dress how you want, and be who you are though we always get a little positive and negative feedback from somebody. Whenever you try something new or do something unique there will always be push back. But what do we do with that, we just push through the wall or better yet, open the door and walk right through strutting your stuff but make sure you smile. You never know when that red carpet might show up under your feet. I mean why should I wait for marriage or a party to dress up? I could be waiting a very long time...what if I want to dress fancy every day even when I go grocery shopping or any other day-to-day place we routinely attend. It's pretty routine for mothers to dress up their daughters in pretty dresses. Where do we think that idea came from?
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Not My Words
To be great, this ideal of big or is it just a heightened awareness of what could be. I couldn't be sure but what I do know is one could only hope or dream of such things. Would it be appropriate to say "we" when I don't even know you at all? I guess we will find out only in time with trial and error. Who do you think "we" are any way? We are a voice that rings, a crowd that sways, and hopefully more than just a book on the shelf collecting dust with all the rest of the strong trees we used to print words on that reach the universes vast distance of excellence. Is it pompous to say that I want to be great or that I am great or even that you are not that great? Maybe you like a good book or maybe filling your head with every definition you can find but what about pulling out what's already deep inside of all of us. I had pictured myself being this strict politician, speaker, or beautiful caveat. Might have I just been a dreamer grown up on too many films or could it be that I had discovered that which was in me all along and that which I have no idea what to call this.
A force now to be reckoned with and a girl who wouldn't take no for an answer, one the man would often brush off like a new suit. Did I really compare myself to a new suit, no not really, I just get tired of that one guy who thinks he can put us on and replace us as if we were no different than that previous blue suit, you know that suit that looked real good before he came across the black one in the window.
Please don't underestimate the power of a strong black woman, no, a strong white woman, no a strong woman. That voice just keeps yelling out my name telling me to sit down and shut up and I just keep standing up in the audience saying thank you and where's the microphone check? I had started writing about "The Linguist who saved and destroyed my life with Syntax" and "The difficulty of being a woman in America," and then I found it, "Not my words," was all I really needed right now to get my point across as I imagined once again standing in the senate seat trying to explain who I was and how I made it through all the lies that so strategically tried to squash my dignity, my womanhood, and that light that I held so dear deep within the brambles of pain and the memories I tried so eagerly to forget as though it wasn't who I was and it really wasn't.
Who was this character, this younger than middle-aged woman who had never really grown out of twenty-five and who still saw life as a mere destiny or legacy that must be fulfilled. My biggest fear to not accomplish my goals in this life, this one life that I had, that we all have. How many of us think about greatness and wanting to make our parents proud even if one only views from the sky. How many stars are in the sky? I often ask myself that knowing that I have no idea and it keeps me humble enough to say, if you don't know, you probably didn't create them. But we all know how much we tend to forget even the smallest of things but how could something so vast be mistaken for something so obvious. It never will be that plain and how often do our kind come and go leaving but a trace of dust? Does a big name do something or can we find that we just keep running into ourselves over and over again. I don't know, maybe I don't want to know, maybe the mystery of what we are is that great appreciation for the human life even if we are only part human. Can we ever really explain it and to describe such a great creation indefinitely bound by no end to discovering all we are or never will be.
As I read the pages of the presidents lives and how they made it, I got this idea that "Not my words" makes more sense to me than I could even begin to describe. My infatuation with books and how easily I could get absorbed into someone else's story. You have to get to a place that you just will no longer put up with everyone else being successful and reach for your own depth and power that you have within your own core--pulling it out and plastering it on the wall or to a pen and paper or just a clanky typewriter with it's loud keys driving us all mad as we engage in an expectation of what will come out of the mind of one creator to another and hopefully not a blank page. How long would it take me to finish this one and to somehow make sense to the reader? I shant not know or understand it. Who am I kidding really? I had to be more than just another book on a shelf, and I knew I was more.
My ankle was throbbing from a huge blister I somehow managed to develop from a new pair of second-hand shoes. They looked good on me but they were not walking shoes at least not the kind you walk for miles in. I got so used to walking everywhere that I forgot to wear the appropriate shoes. And now I'm reminded by the painful old crippled woman limp look you get from trying to walk in pain. It's late again and I haven't been sleeping well probably because the room is so hot.
Some of the most encouraging speeches I've gotten have come from leaders who didn't think I could accomplish much especially because I'm a woman. It's frightening how much words can grip us or hinder our growth if we allow them to. A whole lot of nothing becomes a whole lot more than you ever gave me credit for but I know you really believed in me you were just too afraid to admit it. Shame and desperation, two words that do not go well together and two I choose not to let into my circle. Not desperate but driven and never again will shame have it's place within these walls. I guess if I'm honest, I was a little desperate, to make sure I was successful this time and to not fall flat on my face without a graceful getting back up again. And this time holding my chin up high with a smile.
A force now to be reckoned with and a girl who wouldn't take no for an answer, one the man would often brush off like a new suit. Did I really compare myself to a new suit, no not really, I just get tired of that one guy who thinks he can put us on and replace us as if we were no different than that previous blue suit, you know that suit that looked real good before he came across the black one in the window.
Please don't underestimate the power of a strong black woman, no, a strong white woman, no a strong woman. That voice just keeps yelling out my name telling me to sit down and shut up and I just keep standing up in the audience saying thank you and where's the microphone check? I had started writing about "The Linguist who saved and destroyed my life with Syntax" and "The difficulty of being a woman in America," and then I found it, "Not my words," was all I really needed right now to get my point across as I imagined once again standing in the senate seat trying to explain who I was and how I made it through all the lies that so strategically tried to squash my dignity, my womanhood, and that light that I held so dear deep within the brambles of pain and the memories I tried so eagerly to forget as though it wasn't who I was and it really wasn't.
Who was this character, this younger than middle-aged woman who had never really grown out of twenty-five and who still saw life as a mere destiny or legacy that must be fulfilled. My biggest fear to not accomplish my goals in this life, this one life that I had, that we all have. How many of us think about greatness and wanting to make our parents proud even if one only views from the sky. How many stars are in the sky? I often ask myself that knowing that I have no idea and it keeps me humble enough to say, if you don't know, you probably didn't create them. But we all know how much we tend to forget even the smallest of things but how could something so vast be mistaken for something so obvious. It never will be that plain and how often do our kind come and go leaving but a trace of dust? Does a big name do something or can we find that we just keep running into ourselves over and over again. I don't know, maybe I don't want to know, maybe the mystery of what we are is that great appreciation for the human life even if we are only part human. Can we ever really explain it and to describe such a great creation indefinitely bound by no end to discovering all we are or never will be.
As I read the pages of the presidents lives and how they made it, I got this idea that "Not my words" makes more sense to me than I could even begin to describe. My infatuation with books and how easily I could get absorbed into someone else's story. You have to get to a place that you just will no longer put up with everyone else being successful and reach for your own depth and power that you have within your own core--pulling it out and plastering it on the wall or to a pen and paper or just a clanky typewriter with it's loud keys driving us all mad as we engage in an expectation of what will come out of the mind of one creator to another and hopefully not a blank page. How long would it take me to finish this one and to somehow make sense to the reader? I shant not know or understand it. Who am I kidding really? I had to be more than just another book on a shelf, and I knew I was more.
My ankle was throbbing from a huge blister I somehow managed to develop from a new pair of second-hand shoes. They looked good on me but they were not walking shoes at least not the kind you walk for miles in. I got so used to walking everywhere that I forgot to wear the appropriate shoes. And now I'm reminded by the painful old crippled woman limp look you get from trying to walk in pain. It's late again and I haven't been sleeping well probably because the room is so hot.
Some of the most encouraging speeches I've gotten have come from leaders who didn't think I could accomplish much especially because I'm a woman. It's frightening how much words can grip us or hinder our growth if we allow them to. A whole lot of nothing becomes a whole lot more than you ever gave me credit for but I know you really believed in me you were just too afraid to admit it. Shame and desperation, two words that do not go well together and two I choose not to let into my circle. Not desperate but driven and never again will shame have it's place within these walls. I guess if I'm honest, I was a little desperate, to make sure I was successful this time and to not fall flat on my face without a graceful getting back up again. And this time holding my chin up high with a smile.
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