The Strangest Thing

It was the strangest thing as I listened to an owl outside my window, I read the two questions on the whiteboard on my desk. Would you do that job for free and are you doing what you love? I knew every moment spent at a clock-in and out job that was well below what I'm capable of was a waste of my precious life and breath. Just picturing it made me half-nuts knowing that my destiny was so much more but how was I to get there? I had already written down all my goals in detail, plastered my walls with them. I even wrote myself a ten million dollar check and put it in my wallet to cash someday. I look at it every day and ponder it. Would I be getting a genius idea like a light bulb as Thomas Edison came to mind or would the rich mentors I absorbed my ears in day in and day out wake me to this rich life? There was a definite vision in my mind and a yearning in my soul to be very successful in this life. I couldn't even imagine the alternative. No matter how much I had already experienced it just wasn't enough. I had to live life to the fullest. I knew what it was like to have nothing but to be extremely wealthy and doing what I love was my greatest aspiration because in the end that is what would make me happy. Isn't that what we strive or long for, happiness. Isn't that what we work hard for or search for? Does it happen that so many go on their search and end up unhappy because they got stuck doing something that bores them when we were made for so much more. We were made to thrive and live a rich fulfilled life.

It was strange, I wanted it so bad, I could taste it. It felt real as if I already had obtained it but not completely surrounded by it yet. It was who I was not this quiet girl hidden away but a diamond or a pearl waiting to be discovered in the world so big yet so small it seemed. Maybe I could write a couple books real fast and earn a couple million so I could do what I really loved and that was music and acting. This is what I was made for and what gives me happiness aside from seeing my kids happy. My room was stacked with books and yet my own book so long and so many stories I didn't know where I left off. But I did know I was only focusing on my future at present. I didn't dare drag my past into my future not if I wanted real happiness and a success that when I thought about it, it felt normal as if I was made for this whatever this was. The good life I suppose after all I had endured, it was my time for real true success. How many others dread another work day knowing they were made for so much more? Another day, another dollar, but I wanted ten million of them and that was just to start. But what I really wanted was to live my dreams, act out those roles, create and produce those video ideas through music and song.

I didn't know where this writing attempt was going to take me, actually, I knew I could be very successful at it like anything else I focused my mind on doing. I just needed consistency and a steady dedication to it. I had to finish this book fast because I only gave myself two years to make my first ten million dollars and that was while accomplishing my dreams on the side though acting endeavors. I could hear my mothers voice but it wasn't one yet that I could lean into or count on so I encouraged myself with all that I had in me. The pain drove me, the fear of wasting time urged me, the constant burning within my soul to be great I just couldn't shake and I didn't want to. I felt inside I was to do something big. I had always felt that way. But why? It had never left through all the struggle, it was always there. Greatness, this big idea, this great big secret or key to the universe or maybe just to my heart. Where it always was kept. I was just very careful with it these days and yet living with a carefree but very determined attitude. I knew what I wanted and I was going for it. I wouldn't be satisfied until I had that which I was so passionate about and that which made me hunger and thirst for more. You hear people say things like, if I can just reach one person, well forget that, I knew I wanted to reach a vast sea of people. I wasn't here for one person, I knew that well from the beginning.

Journey Through My Mind - Strange Thoughts

Wearing Clothes- How we view ourselves or what we believe about ourselves could be the most important thing about us. Too many times our value or worth is gauged on a clothing label, a style, or some other statement thrown on by the outer appearance. This all starts immediately when the child comes out of the womb, the mother starts dressing their child in pinks, blues, or yellows and maybe some other color that is best suited. But how quickly the child grows out of their clothes. The child then starts school and begins to self-identify, comparing themselves to others and I'm sure the television can also incorporate those thoughts or ideas in a house that allows an open door for it. If you saw a man or woman walking down the street naked, you would probably think they were nuts. At what point does the nakedness of an innocent child become the crazy adult?How about a nude beach? Do we really choose clothes that we identify with and what is that special part of our brain that says, this is cute, that is beautiful or yuck! How could she wear that?!! Does it really matter if I wear the most expensive shoes or a second-hand pair of knockoffs? What if I want to look nice because I know what it's like to have nothing? And, what if I don't really care what anyone thinks. If I'm honest, if we're all honest, most of us probably do care and I think to a certain point we should. But we are not what we wear and if we really understood how much more valuable we were than our clothes, we would all probably be wearing the most expensive gear we could find. Because our value could and should never be reduced to a pair of shoes, it's important that we know that.

As I review my life, I never really got to dress up like the girl. I missed my high school prom and dressing up for someone else's big wedding day doesn't count in my book. And so, I had this idea-get dressed up fancy not for a date or dinner or even a party but for no reason at all. Then I thought, what if I dressed up in a gown and went to work or anywhere else where you normally wouldn't. What would be the response or feedback from others? I'm just curious. If my job said no, why do you think that is? Maybe because it would make the co-workers feel as if they needed to. Maybe I just need to be around my kind or in a conducive environment that allows it. I think there should be a day on the calendar for dress up fancy day. Not like Halloween. If I recorded it and posted it online, I wonder what I would hear. I want to dress up pretty and feel good because I can and not for a special occasion but just to celebrate life and womanhood, and because it's fun. Because I'm a strong woman and one who knows her value. Maybe my subconcious wants to make up for lost time but maybe because I don't really care what anyone else thinks. THis could start a new trend-dress up everyday because you can or want to. Why not? I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best. There will always be people who judge but let's face it why should that stop us? Is this not our one life to live to the fullest? Are we not here to enjoy life and find happiness? I'm not saying that happiness is found in dress up but how you are doing on the inside will most likely reflect onto the outward image. If you are doing well and feel good about yourself, most likely you'll want to dress nice. Self-Image is a huge topic but one not addressed enough I think. We live in a country where there is freedom to be yourself, dress how you want, and be who you are though we always get a little positive and negative feedback from somebody. Whenever you try something new or do something unique there will always be push back. But what do we do with that, we just push through the wall or better yet, open the door and walk right through strutting your stuff but make sure you smile. You never know when that red carpet might show up under your feet. I mean why should I wait for marriage or a party to dress up? I could be waiting a very long time...what if I want to dress fancy every day even when I go grocery shopping or any other day-to-day place we routinely attend. It's pretty routine for mothers to dress up their daughters in pretty dresses. Where do we think that idea came from?