The Strangest Thing

It was the strangest thing as I listened to an owl outside my window, I read the two questions on the whiteboard on my desk. Would you do that job for free and are you doing what you love? I knew every moment spent at a clock-in and out job that was well below what I'm capable of was a waste of my precious life and breath. Just picturing it made me half-nuts knowing that my destiny was so much more but how was I to get there? I had already written down all my goals in detail, plastered my walls with them. I even wrote myself a ten million dollar check and put it in my wallet to cash someday. I look at it every day and ponder it. Would I be getting a genius idea like a light bulb as Thomas Edison came to mind or would the rich mentors I absorbed my ears in day in and day out wake me to this rich life? There was a definite vision in my mind and a yearning in my soul to be very successful in this life. I couldn't even imagine the alternative. No matter how much I had already experienced it just wasn't enough. I had to live life to the fullest. I knew what it was like to have nothing but to be extremely wealthy and doing what I love was my greatest aspiration because in the end that is what would make me happy. Isn't that what we strive or long for, happiness. Isn't that what we work hard for or search for? Does it happen that so many go on their search and end up unhappy because they got stuck doing something that bores them when we were made for so much more. We were made to thrive and live a rich fulfilled life.

It was strange, I wanted it so bad, I could taste it. It felt real as if I already had obtained it but not completely surrounded by it yet. It was who I was not this quiet girl hidden away but a diamond or a pearl waiting to be discovered in the world so big yet so small it seemed. Maybe I could write a couple books real fast and earn a couple million so I could do what I really loved and that was music and acting. This is what I was made for and what gives me happiness aside from seeing my kids happy. My room was stacked with books and yet my own book so long and so many stories I didn't know where I left off. But I did know I was only focusing on my future at present. I didn't dare drag my past into my future not if I wanted real happiness and a success that when I thought about it, it felt normal as if I was made for this whatever this was. The good life I suppose after all I had endured, it was my time for real true success. How many others dread another work day knowing they were made for so much more? Another day, another dollar, but I wanted ten million of them and that was just to start. But what I really wanted was to live my dreams, act out those roles, create and produce those video ideas through music and song.

I didn't know where this writing attempt was going to take me, actually, I knew I could be very successful at it like anything else I focused my mind on doing. I just needed consistency and a steady dedication to it. I had to finish this book fast because I only gave myself two years to make my first ten million dollars and that was while accomplishing my dreams on the side though acting endeavors. I could hear my mothers voice but it wasn't one yet that I could lean into or count on so I encouraged myself with all that I had in me. The pain drove me, the fear of wasting time urged me, the constant burning within my soul to be great I just couldn't shake and I didn't want to. I felt inside I was to do something big. I had always felt that way. But why? It had never left through all the struggle, it was always there. Greatness, this big idea, this great big secret or key to the universe or maybe just to my heart. Where it always was kept. I was just very careful with it these days and yet living with a carefree but very determined attitude. I knew what I wanted and I was going for it. I wouldn't be satisfied until I had that which I was so passionate about and that which made me hunger and thirst for more. You hear people say things like, if I can just reach one person, well forget that, I knew I wanted to reach a vast sea of people. I wasn't here for one person, I knew that well from the beginning.