The Farewell

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Gray clouds filled the sky in the cold, moisture filled air that was still settling from the early morning. The dull sound of phones rang while voices came from a hall in the office building. The young woman peered out her office window that was blocked by a tall cement structure that she would often jokingly say; was put there to prevent workers from jumping out the window. She wondered if she could get off work early as her heart raced; she knew that the man she loved was moving away and she may never see him again. Her heart sank as she thought of him being at a further distance than he already was.

The young woman got up from her desk and went through the doorway; she walked down the hall towards her manager's office. “Can I take a half day today instead of tomorrow?” She asked "My best friend is leaving town and I don’t know when I’ll see him again.” Her boss looked at her with a piercing glare and said, “I suppose.” She responded with a “Thank you!” She turned and ran back down the hall towards her office. Her excitement was temporarily covering up the sorrow that she knew she would soon have to come to terms with.

It began raining as she forcefully broke through the building doors, trying to remember where she had parked her car; searching for her car as though it was her heart, lost in the parking lot. “Calm down,” She told herself. “I have to hurry before he leaves.” At last she remembered where she had parked and rushed to open her car door. She knew it was at least a forty-five minute drive but she could make it in thirty minutes; she would have driven hours if she had to, heading towards the freeway entrance.

The music played in the background as she anticipated his face opening the door. She questioned whether he would be happy or angry to see her but she didn’t care which; she couldn’t let him leave without saying goodbye. The big city came into view as she ignored the tall buildings that surrounded her. It took all she had to keep her heart from beating out of control. “Please God, let him be home, I have to at least say goodbye,” She prayed. Thinking in the back of her mind, “I wonder if he knows I’m coming.”

Counting down the exits off the freeway, she remembered how it felt to hold him in her arms. She felt the tears accumulating in her eyes. “Get a grip!” “You can’t show up there crying,” She told herself. Turning her right blinker on, she headed off the freeway exit and rushed to the stop light. The light turned green and she made a swift right turn and continued down the street. Finally his apartment building was in view and she quickly pulled into the parking lot. Taking a deep sigh, she flung the door open and jumped out of the car. She walked slowly down the stairs, taking extra precaution not to take a stumble as she was in no condition to be walking; her heart skipping a beat with every step.

Finally his apartment door was in front of her and without hesitation, she knocked. His voice responded quickly but she wasn’t sure what he said, a comfortable relief came over her heart; her mind trying to catch up, now that she was certain he was home. The door opened and with a stunned expression and then a smile, he rapidly shut the door. “One second,” He said. She was completely distracted with the uncertainty of what would happen next. He obviously had just woken up with a sleepy look on his face, his brown hair reaching in all directions; all she desired to do was hold him. She pondered what thoughts were bolting through his mind.

Promptly the door opened again and he came outside. Time stopped her and immediately she realized that this was going to be much more difficult than she was prepared for. She gave up trying to hide the expression of her love that must have been beaming from her face while looking him in the eyes. Words from her heart came out and with a loving, slightly upset and questioning tone she said, “You couldn’t possibly leave without letting me say goodbye.” He invited her in and the door closed behind them.

After a while, the night sky came and it was time for the final farewell. The stars shined brightly in the sky above as she held him in her arms and didn’t want to let go. In that moment, she felt the most joy that the embrace was returned. After leaving, returning and leaving again, she drove away and waived in an ocean of tears and sorrow. She reached the freeway entrance and heading in the direction of her home, she felt as though she was leaving a piece of her soul.

As she drove down the freeway, her spirit wailing a cry that she had never heard or imagined. The sound resembled the expression of the death of a closest loved one. Trying to see through an ocean in her pain, she cried out to God for death. She gave up all control of the wheel and as an angel or God himself drove her car forty-five minutes; she finally arrived home safely, drowning in her tears. As she opened the car door with strength not her own, she dragged herself to the front door of her home.

The young woman crawled into her bed, cried out to God, and was surprised she had any tears left at all. She began to see visions and finally understood how big was the love of God and why Jesus died on the cross. At this point, she was willing to lay her life down for God and finally knew what it meant. Hours later she realized that she had just experienced the most painful and wonderful thing; the true love of God. As the young woman was branded with a new love on her heart, she pictured the only man she ever truly loved; as she smiled from her heart, a thank you and farewell.

The Girl and Her Lover

It was a bitter cold night, the kind of night that steals your very breath away. The girl pictured herself strolling along the ocean with the roasting sand sifting between her toes. As she carried herself beside the shore, the waves began to crash against her feet. The sun escaped quickly below the clouds as the light threw back colors in the sky. She closed her eyes and grabbed hold of what was left of the warmth that was scurrying from her. The darkness swallowed the sky and the stars came swiftly to the rescue. She could hear her lover calling for her and she became completely lovesick.

The girl noticed a beautiful flame a distance away and longed for its warmth. She headed in that direction and could hardly lift her feet as she carried a yoke of emptiness and sorrow on her shoulders. She began to grieve and was taken aback that she had any tears left at all. Dropping to her knees, she understood that she was isolated, shivering, and had nothing left. With no courage to put down the yoke, she struggled to her feet and continued walking towards the flame. Each step became more difficult as she pulled her feet from the sand.

The flame held her eyes in place as she encountered a stirring inside of her. The beads of salt poured down her face and vanished into the darkness. The weariness clothed her and was present all over her face. She struggled to collect herself as she drew closer. The single flame transformed into a consuming fire. She savored the heat and at last entered into its presence. She released the yoke into the fire and fell to her knees. She took a deep breath and sighed with relief. As she felt the fire burning, the heat dried up her tears. She closed her eyes and fell asleep in the warmth of her lover’s arms.

Greenhouse

The woman paused for a moment and lifted her face up against the sky as she embraced the sunlight that pierced through the trees. “Oh, how I love the warmth on my face,” she thought. She proceeded to stroll down a roughly paved pathway through the park. Every step required stability as she adjusted the sharp gravel beneath her feet. She always attempted to remove herself from the restlessness that the world had to offer. She headed in the direction of a familiar greenhouse furnished with exotic plants and vibrant glass sculptures. This place was attractive to her because it was rarely occupied by anyone. As she reached the door, she breathed in a sweet fragrance of endless flowers that she could not name. “How lovely,” she said. The plants captivated the light that gave them life through the glass paneled ceiling. She approached a lonely wooden bench set in the corner of the greenhouse. Her heart sank as the bench reminded her that she was alone. She sighed softly taking a deep breath, and sat down. “How much longer?” she wondered. She began to peruse a book that a friend handed her a couple days earlier. Her intention was to escape for a moment but as she started to read, she discovered her own life on each page. She was astonished as it put her life in perspective and unraveled the passion and sorrow held deep within her. Recognizing right away that a transformation was taking place, she reached for a strength that she had not yet known. “O Lord, fill me,” she said. Suddenly, a veil lifted from her eyes and joy came upon her. She jumped from the bench, held the book against her heart, and ran out the greenhouse door with endless appreciation.

The Garden

The young girl crashed through the doors and flew down the stairs as the tears rolled down her cheeks like a rushing flood. Her heart was broken as she thought of the loss of her friend. She ran to the garden, hid herself and fell to the ground weeping. Her hands clenched up as if she held something precious in them. She was swept off her feet as the pain shook her to the bone. “Why must I lose you?” she cried. As she sat up and looked around at the beautiful garden, she couldn’t help but think of how he helped her pull the weeds and plant the seeds. She slowly opened her hand and looked at a small precious seed. “You are just like me,” she thought. “I will plant you so you can grow tall and bear much fruit.” She planted the seed as her tears landed in the soil. She rested in the garden and waited for the sun to come out. As the sun broke through the clouds, she heard a voice say, “Now that I’ve planted you in my garden, you will grow.” She stood up, wiped the tears from her face and smiled.

Prologue

The young girl sat on the roughly edged cement stairs with her chin resting on her knees. She held the tips of her shoes in place as she rocked herself back and forth. "I don't want the night to come again," she thought, lifting her face towards the sky. Hedya enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her back as she imagined a large set of arms wrapped around her shoulders. A chilling and familiar voice yelled her name loudly as she shrieked with fear. Immediately, she flew from her pleasantly absorbed moment of release, up the stairs and through the dreaded door.

The night sky came quickly as the apple tree forcefully crashed against the bedroom window. Hedya trembled in her bed as she gazed into a blackness with no end. The dreams came and she saw herself walking through what looked like an alley way. The sky-scraping walls encircled her and the sky was the only home that appeared reachable. Flashes of her life consumed her thoughts with people, places and what felt like a flame burned inside of her. The knowledge became heavy without reason as she carried forward. She soon found herself hovering through the sky with voices speaking and the noise of what sounded like a war...

Heartland

The girl looked out the window as she embraced confidence. The rolling drops of dew assembled upon the lens she searched through. She turned her face away from the glass filled frame that barely stood in place. Her eyes combed the dark filled empty space that hovered below the white rocky ceiling. She glanced at each corner and questioned the strength of the structure that surrounded her. She looked in a painting that stared back at her with a single eye that peered halfway through a single pain window. She watched the earth turn to dust as it filled up the glass time keeper. The stars shined in the distance as they lit up the waters beneath it. The river forced itself upward through each crevice of the earth’s foundation until a fountain reached the sky. The life overflowed onto the hills that held the faces with sleeping eyes. The colorful pictures of her scattered life hung on the wall, hidden behind the door. Her dreams held captive in an old worn black guitar case in a corner of the room. An empty suitcase, boxes of colors, hidden drawings, and old pictures filled the closet floor. The dresser trapped years of writings that absorbed salty rain drops. Her heart collected faces that surrounded the reflection of her face in the mirror. The candles burned in the darkness as the incense danced with her thoughts. She wore a heart shaped badge on her chest bound behind a shiny piece of glass. She laid her head upon her hands as she effortlessly shut her eyes. The music notes stretched well passed the earth’s borders and returned back to her through the key shaped hole that led to her castle. Her identity found upon the shelf of her dream filled wooden headboard.

The Story

The woman sat at her computer and sighed with relief as her hands curled up as a foundation for her chin to rest upon. She read stories by a Theologian who held all the faith needed in the world to move any mountain. She wondered if his thoughts were delighted by her enough for a non-fiction story. The stories she read came alive with every letter that formed each word. It was like he understood her life and knew of her before. Her feet were cold so she gently tucked her black and white striped slippers underneath her thighs as she sat on her chair. She pondered and hoped he could feel the love that stirred in her soul for him. As she doubted in her flesh, a voice spoke to her that reassured her he knew. "Is this part of the story?" She asked.

The woman was curious as to which project to start next. She pictured a beautiful acrylic painting of a distant young boy she loved and was afraid that her work couldn't even come close to expressing it. She gave some thought to finish writing her book on Spiritual Warfare but couldn’t get passed the thoughts that attacked her lack of skill. She desired to draw a family portrait but was overcome by the pain of their distance. She considered picking up her guitar and singing a song she wrote but didn't have the strength.

As she read another story, she was amazed at how many gifts he held in his spirit. Not to mention, so many talents she lost count. The formation of the plot and theme came together like love at first sight. The colorful and carefully put thoughts jumped off the paper and engraved on her heart. "I’ve never known anyone with that much strength." She thought. Reading his directions, she leaned her arms on her desk and let her finger tips rest on the cold black dust collecting keyboard. She attempted to type on a blank page as she ignored her bitter cold hands. His words came alive and sunk deep within her and touched her soul. Her heart tossed around thoughts that started to have a sheer light about them. The clarity came and she began to type the words. She recognized his passion and comforted loneliness as she realized she was not the only one. She discovered strength inside realizing that she was not completely alone in the world. She wondered if her prayers had reached him yet. "I know they have." She said.

The man’s stomach grumbled as he thought about his need for food but ignored it, completely consumed by his writing. He viewed a picture of the woman and could see beyond what she saw within herself. A familiar song came on that formed pictures in his mind. "Could it work?" He questioned. He fought against the doubt that came upon him and love filled him up. He got up from his bed and walked through the doorway and made a quick left to the kitchen. He craved a perfectly cooked steak as he grabbed a can of soup from the pantry. He looked around the kitchen and wished he had the motivation to clean the dishes off the counter tops. "I will focus better after some food." He thought.

The man sat on his bed with his back to the corner of his room. He listened to music to help him focus on his purpose. He gazed at his computer as his fingers moved each screen to the next. The loneliness gripped him as he quietly wept. He read her stories and wondered if she’d ever be ready for him. His thoughts traveled miles a minute and he felt a bit of comfort in his way of dealing with them. He continued to search for someone as she frequently came up in his heart. In his quiet corner, he felt a love that put arms around his emptiness. His heart carefully broke apart each visual that created a story. His logic fought with his passion as he carefully thought out each battle. He sent her a prayer. "When will you know I’m ready?" She pleaded.

Broken

Too much love for you.
My weakness too great.
Too much love to hold.
No longer able to show.
All I yearned was you.
Why do you drive me away?

Did I do something so awful?
To be worthy of your silence?
Too much love to hold.
I departed for your respect.
But now I'm avoided.
Why did you shove me away?

This love makes me crazy.
Don't you know you're lovely?
Just clarify, I will take it in.
Please don't cause more sorrow.
I hardly have anything left to speak.
Why do you treat me so cold?

I get the picture but it's not okay.
I thought I knew who you were.
Be worthy of more than you give yourself.
Was it too much to love you?
What did I do that was so misconstrued?
I'll never understand this place.

I am falling apart in pieces here.
No mending needle for my broken heart.
I will hold myself together with a smile.
So many bruises and tears.
You will never understand this pain.
I would never leave you broken.

Beautiful Dreams

My dreams hold your eyes in place.
Your eyes hold me with an embrace.
You long me with every breath of air.
The love you express is open with care.
It is unconditional and everlasting.
My dreams are beautiful as I come to.
Reality comes to me as I let go of you.

You hide me in a cold and quiet corner.
Away from everyone you know of.
Too busy talking about nothing at all.
The cage was my home once before.
I will have to break free from it again.
I cannot be hidden and ignored forever.
You cannot share something you do not have.

Beautiful dreams keep me wanting you.
You do nothing to communicate with me.
I do not know your thoughts about me.
I hear every thought in the room I see.
But you do not share with me so freely.
Will you wake up my love before it is gone?
My eyes tell you every secret I have in me.

You hide your heart even further away.
How much longer will you hide yourself?
Am I not worthy of a love worth showing?
You do not tell me what you see in me.
How many dreams does it take to float apart?
I see you in a dark corner hidden without me.
Will you not reach out for me as I call to you?

Oh my beautiful dreams must I have you?
You bring me grief and pain in the morning.
Why must you tempt me over and over?
How many times must I meet you again?
Come and pick me up and take me away forever.
Smile at me and bring me a dream I can keep.
I wish to say goodnight to my beautiful dreams.

The Secret Light

A long life of suffering followed this light for years. But one day, the light met Love. The Love was so big it lifted the light up real high and light could see the clouds. Love told the light about her future light in the midst of the darkness that surrounded the light. The light's love became so big for Love that the world became small.

The light realized how much Love, loved her. Love would do anything for the light now because of the love they shared. One night the light came to her Love and asked for help. The Love filled the light with His love. The next day, the light had a visit from her future light and brought help. But the future light had many secrets but so did the light. The light knew she loved her future light. This love is so big that it covered the whole world.

The future light showed the light many things and so did Love. Love came into the light's castle. Love showed her the plans of future light that were harmful to the light. The light was trembling with fear and asked Love for help. The Love covered the light and gave her strength and promised protection. The light still had a love for the future light that was absolute and permanent. This love came from Love.

But, the future light came to love the light. The future light didn't want to hurt the light. The future light was afraid to share the secrets. The light already knew about the future light's secrets. And, because light had such a vast love for future light, light wasn't afraid of the harm. Love promised the light protection. Love told future light about the light and the love.

The light came to help future light find freedom from what bound him. Love told future light to have faith for little future light for healing will come. One day, the future light found a way to reveal to light the story. This was the same story that Love told to his light already. So, light was familiar with the story. But somehow the light had to tell future light about Love.

The light asked future light to be with the light. And, that Love would protect them together. The light waited patiently for an answer from future light. Love asked future light to have faith and be obedient despite fear and that little future light wouldn't need the care after the healing takes place. Love told light to tell future light that everything will be provided. Because Love, loves all Love's lights. Love asked future light to run into the arms of light.

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Roller Coaster

You can turn away from sin permanently...

Do you ever feel like your life with God is like a "roller coaster?" God is showing you how He loves you and the other times when you don't feel it...it's called, "Faith". Like the difference between being, "in-love" and loving unconditionally by "Choice". Love is a choice. Being in-love is a temporary feeling. But I do believe that the more you spend time with God and get filled with the Holy Spirit, the more you feel His presence. But, He is always with you. He's dealing with those things in your life right now that He wants you to let go of. As soon as you are willing, He will take them and replace them with more of Him. Just keep spending time with Him. Wherever you are or whenever...just go somewhere private and lay on the floor face down or stand and lift up your hands and love Him. Ask for more of Him and less of you, that He will increase and you will decrease. Ask Him to fill you up with rivers of living water to overflowing in you.

When you are weak, He is strong and can use you so much more. He wants to reveal those things in your heart that keep you going through what feels like a "roller coaster ride", up and down. Eventually, you will get sick of the ride and want Him all the time because you will understand how much you can't live without Him. He will bring you to a point of such a strong love for Him that whenever you are not spending time with Him, you will yearn for Him and your heart will ache until you are in His presence. And when you are helping those in need and loving people you will also have His presence. God wants us to understand His love on a deeper level. When you get a hold of this, you will want to obey Him in every way no matter how hard.

Remember, true love is a choice and God chose you.

Sunrise

She met him in a breath and truly loved.
He reminded her of her true love again.
She saw his soul and his inner most being.
She identified things that she never delivered.
A love this glorious never vanishes or perishes.
She held back much to safeguard him.
She understood more than she declared.
Anticipating he would notice the vision.
If he could only welcome his calling and take it.
Seize the trials and not disregard them.
His father sent him the love he asked for.
But too frightened to open his arms and let it in.
He will convey to his heart and try to advise him.
She will have to deal with the agony of her loss.
She will look to her helper to bring him back to her.
She can envision and looks forward to the sunrise.

At Last

"Please not them," she said to herself...
"I'm too afraid to tell them about me."
She walked towards them and they spoke to her.
"Come closer," they said to her softly.
Her head hung low as she burned with turmoil.
They blessed her with holiness and prayed.
The words came from Him, that he knew her heart.
All of a sudden the fear was gone and she knew.
She didn't have to say anything.
Her heart was in his hands and she was willing.
He already knew what was about to take place.
It was better than she could have ever imagined.
At last the words spoke freedom over her.
This time, they sunk into her sorrowful heart.
Forgiveness was brought up as she thought,
"Who have I not forgave, I don't know."
"It is yourself you must forgive." He whispered.
He doesn't see you the way you see yourself.
He began to put on each piece of the Full Armor,
Her freedom was finally aligned with her heart.
She held out her hand and grabbed the truth.
Now she lives in the spirit with sword in hand.
Willing to be guided by his wonderful word of light.