As I Woke

A Debate With Self... ~On matters of Philosophy, let no man understand.~ I grappled within or without...I couldn't be sure. How far I had come nor how many oceans cried but what was for certain this raging howl for freedom. A place far from not only the mundane but somewhere away from the crowding of voices, information explosions, and slave labor. In a land of so-called freedom that wasn't at all free, I wondered how it could be. I saw time as this most precious jewel unseen slipping through hands and my biggest fear; wasting time on meaningless things. How can we cry out for guidance to our dreams and still expect complete control over every aspect of our lives? Why is it the more I learn, the more questions I am left with? Is there no answer to understand a thing? Who am I but a mere spec in the ocean or a matter in the rough? So big yet so small a thing and this war within. Are there any words left that can help me understand? I longed to cry but I couldn't with the sheer fear of losing my own tears. In an age where it wasn't allowed or considered normal to express an emotion. Don't get angry, don't even be sad, smile and be happy or else just pretend. Have we lost all touch with our senses or our grip on reality too busy being phony? The cost of honesty do we dare and who is willing? Self-absorbed with another life, another voice or just another...something. I disdain the absurdity of you trying to write my story for me and so I take the reigns of my own life. Do not look upon me in weakness nor judge me for the light I long to find. But if you could take view of the mirror, you would not see me rest assured. What pain it causes to trade your time for not when for created you are for something more. So many options and so many distractions and all but what we really are. Happiness is not derived from an external source of this or of that but a still internal space and freedom is in the letting go of others expectations. What can I say, As I woke...